I am reinventing myself. In the past years, I have not been proud of who I am – I have no goals, no drive, no purpose. I’ve continued to make choices that I have no explanations for, there is some sort of illness or unwellness inside me. I have decided to find a higher power, to give myself some sort of purpose. I have never been a religious person but it is time to become one. There has been a part of me missing, and spirituality has been it. I didn’t even know who or what I was asking for help today when out on a walk. I asked for a sign or something to show me what I needed to do. On the way home, I was suddenly consumed with confidence and an understanding of what I need to do. I started to cry while driving, not out of sadness or joy, but out of relief that I know everything will be okay and the path was miraculously laid out in front of me just by asking earnestly. I’ve tried in the past to make my own way and failed over and over, but I was lacking the guidance I needed to make it work. We have free will, but with no goal given to us it is pointless.
I’ve considered myself a loser for a long time, but it is only because I have not been playing to win. I need to stop simply taking from this world and start giving back. God has given me some abilities, talents, and loves and it is now my responsibility to use what He has given me to help others. How exactly I’ll do this I do not yet know, but it will start by becoming active in online tech support forums and hopefully one day expand to helping people solve problems in the real world with my skills.
I’ve been all around unhealthy – any dimension of health I look at, I cannot say I am healthy. So by having a new-found purpose and a desire to become healthy and better myself every day I will become a happier and healthier person that I can be proud of. I know I am capable of being proud of myself and now it is time to prove it. Part of my plan to improve myself is to start setting and achieving goals. Doing that makes you feel good and makes you want to achieve more. In relation to this blog, I will be making a post every day from here on out and adhering more to the “whatever comes to mind” theme I had originally set but pushed aside in favor of bland/dry technology posts.
